Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
