How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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