fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will never coherently bang her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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