i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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