I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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