Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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