I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Randomize
