allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
