my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
