Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
