3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
