I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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