So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
