I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
