i don't like sucking hair
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
