At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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