if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
