I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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