I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
