kristin has been a bad kristin
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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