I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
