I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
