Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
