Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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