wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
