By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
