I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
