I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
