the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My penis needs a shock collar
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
