I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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