Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
