JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
