I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
