As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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