Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There's always time for handjobs
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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