He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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