Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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