PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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