No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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