So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
