I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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