my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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