That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
