his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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