I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He did a backflip because drugs
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