I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
