guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
