Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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