I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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