Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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