I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
