guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
