But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
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He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
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I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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