At least make sure they are 18
Why
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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