I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Your penis caused this!
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