Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the day after is always just damage control
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
