i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
