Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
