im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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