ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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