I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Randomize
