We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
