Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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