i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sobbing to NWA
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
