I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
