a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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