Joe is yelling at the trees again.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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